The Magical Morphing Migraines

     Since I first got too sick to work, it took less than a year to learn the hell that are migraines.  I've had killer headaches since I started menstruating (which I learned was one of many signs of some menstrual disorder or another, I can't remember the name of it, but I had to be put on birth control because of it) then headaches that made those headaches feel like a picnic when I broke my neck and did other damage in a car accident.  So anytime I heard someone say they had a migraine or saw those stupid Excedrine migraine commercials "if you've had one, you know these things are for real!" I never really understood how awful they were.  Until I started having them.  And they made any other headache I'd ever suffered seem like sprained finger or a stubbed toe.  Even worse were the first few migraine medications.  They did get rid of the migraines, but holy rebound headaches, Batman!  The pills, nasal sprays.. I refused to try the injections.... I hate needles, but if 2 or 3 other forms of one medication didn't work, how would stabbing myself with the same medication bring about a different result?  After several failed attempts, I found one that worked.  And not only did it work, but 3 out of 4 times I didn't get drowsy, had no rebound headaches, and could carry on in less than a half hour as if the migraine never happened.  Keeping a journal never did seem to yield any pattern to them (except for stress and certain weather patterns).  Then they started to fade away. 
      Enter the first migraine-morph.  After day 3 of hell, my ex took me to the ER.  I could barely hear or see out of one side of my head.  My eye was tearing, my pupils were 2 different sizes, noise, light, sound made everything a million times worse, the slightest bit of excitement (my phone ringing or a text message tone) made it worse, and it felt like the rodent in my head that's supposed to keep my mind working decided to go on a murderous, destructive rampage on one side of my head.  The hospital thought I was having some kind of stroke or seizure it was that bad.  Luckily it wasn't, but I had to turn my bedroom into a sensory deprivation chamber and be fed a steady diet of pain killers, tranquilizers, and migraine medications just to keep it at a dull roar until it passed (which was a little over 2 weeks).  It was early spring.  The same thing happened in the late fall.  And again early in following spring.  I had been referred to a neurologist by then and immediately sent for a CT scan.  He suspected I was suffering from something called cluster headaches and a CT scan would confirm it.  Naturally, the scan came back negative, but he put me on a low dose of an anti seizure medication that should have helped control them, but only the next spring would tell.  Of course the headaches came back, but not nearly as bad.  I did find a not-so-medical solution to solving the cluster-like headaches, though.  I tripped and fell flat on my face in a concrete parking lot, breaking my nose and giving myself a mild concussion in the process, but I no longer had a headache :D!  My neurologist couldn't help but laugh, but wasn't too pleased at the same time.  Causing 2 injuries to solve 1 problem isn't quite a solution, even if it did work.  But he changed the dose of my pills and it worked great for 18 months.  I went through three whole "headache seasons" without so much as a twinge (and not even a migraine!).  Until the generic came out.  But even then, it was just a tiny little twinge.  As if to let my body know "hey!  I'm here!" but not even bad enough to take a Tylenol.  So when I went in for my checkup, I mentioned it to him and it turns out that there were quite a few articles about the generic not being as strong as the brand name and he changed the doseage and I haven't had a problem since then.  And I certainly can't complain. (Nor will I!)
    Now enter morph #3.... Yep!! ANOTHER morph.  I think that little gerbil/hamster/rodent, whatever that little critter that's been running in between my ears is back to being bored and came up with a new idea on how to torture my poor head.  Because he came up with yet a new form of migraine/cluster/headache hell... With the first migraines, I dealt with some light and sound sensitivity, but my head felt like it was going to explode.  The clusters (it's easier to just call them clusters because every single symptom BUT the CT scan matched perfectly) kept me held hostage in a sensory deprivation chamber for weeks essentially deaf, dumb, and blind.  Now I'm dealing with complex migraines (at least according to 4 specialists, now).  Except the only symptom I don't have is the headache itself.  I smell horrible things that aren't there (from rotting garbage, bad BO, vomit, animal urine... nothing anyone should ever have to smell even if it WAS there), I lose my peripheral vision on one side of my head, hearing loss and blurred vision on the same side, see auras, nausea, and the 1000 other symptoms that come along with complex migraines.  So I was started on another medication to get those under control.  I should know in a few weeks if it works. Except I forgot the one small side effect of fighting migraines--the limp doll effect when it's done.  I spent almost all day today feeling like road kill.  I was just too exhausted to even care how much pain I was in.  I sat down to turn on the news and passed out with the tv remote in my hand.  But that damn hamster is at it again... I imagine it looks something like this:

Cute, but evil.....