Sometimes Life is a Series of WTF Moments

      My sleep has been wayyy off lately.  Most of it has been due to pain, stress, and stress headaches.  Forcing myself to stay up to watch a mini movie series didn't help.  It did, however, come in handy last night.  As I was watching Frasier trying to get to sleep, I kept hearing something outside the back door.  There's a damn junk pile under the deck that was supposed to be taken out of there last year, but I kept being told "it'll get done.. I have it taken care of... don't worry about it, I have someone coming to get it..etc." Any time I brought it up or found someone to haul the crap away for a decent price.  I'm not talking garbage like kitchen garbage.  I'm talking like busted furniture, a few old cages.. junk like that.  And an upside down, 3 floored rat condo.  I kept meaning to put it in one of our sheds because the cage was in good condition just in case we ever decided to buy a few rats again, until I noticed that the bottom of the cage looked like a meteor or bowling ball had been dropped through it a few weeks ago.  I was curious, but didn't give it much thought.
     I didn't hear anything from the mutt upstairs, but I grabbed my bat and my flashlight and went over to the door to investigate.  There were several baby raccoons using the junk pile as their own personal playground!  Great.  Just what I needed--a jungle gym for baby raccoons on the other side of a screen door WITH A HOLE IN IT!!  (Keep in mind the door leads into my office and on the other side of my office wall is my bedroom).  They were kinda cute and didn't seem to be bothered by my spying, but the ginormous momma raccoon wasn't too happy to see me as she came out of hiding.  And by ginormous?  I mean about the size of my dog, but shorter and fatter.  Much, much fatter--and with sharp teeth, beady eyes, and sharp claws.  Odds are, they've made a home in the junk pile.  Lucky me.  As if playing dodge squirrel on my way to the store yesterday wasn't enough, right?
    So I close and lock the door just to make sure I don't wake up to any uninvited guests and wake up to another stress headache this morning.  I wasn't entirely sure it was a stress headache until I was driving down a highway and laughing at this kid in a Mazda sports coupe trying to race a Corvette through traffic.  (I don't think I need to say who won THAT race), but as I turned onto an interstate, I found myself in a race with a REALLY hot guy in a BMW.  We were neck and neck for awhile, weaving in between cars and tractor trailers for awhile, but in the end, I beat him..I knew I loved my little supercharged Blue for a reason!  I found myself turning up the radio and settling into pace with the guy at a speed that may or may not have gotten our licenses yanked on the spot if we were caught when out of nowhere this late 90s Dodge Durango comes flying past us!  I swear, if there was one of those thought bubbles that popped up between that guy and me when we looked at each other, "WTF!?!" would have been on it.  I glanced over again and saw he was laughing just as hard as I was. But he had to get off at the next exit and mine was coming up shortly.  Then I realized my headache was gone and while I was still in a lot of pain, I found it was easier to ignore for those 20+ minutes.  It was like I was transported back to my old street racing days again, except I generally avoided racing on highways (except once, just to prove a point to a co-worker).
     I stopped at the grocery store on my way home and get stuck in traffic on one of the back roads.  By then, the radio wasn't as loud and I had both windows wide open.  I look out the passenger side to see a doe standing on the side of the road near my car.  Before I realize it, she saunters over to my car and sticks her head in my window!  It was a deer, so I was far from frightened, but I'm just sitting there, stuck in traffic, thinking "what the HELL? There's a deer... in.my.car." I just sat there stunned as she calmly sniffed around my seat, took a quick look up at me, then spotted the bag of groceries on the floor.  With the loaf of bread I had just bought mom on top.  I'm still sitting there staring at this animal with this kind of what the fuck? going through my mind, but realize that if I don't come home with the bread, mom's going to be a bit upset, deer theft or not.  "Um, doe?  That's not yours... In case you haven't noticed, you're kinda in the woods and well, there's plenty of food for you out there, so could you please leave my groceries alone?  Please?"  Then I realize I'm sitting there, in traffic, trying to reason with a DEER!  Not just a deer, but one who just wandered up to my car and decided to poke around.  The craziest part?  I think she understood me.  Seriously.  She lifted her head up, stared at me for a few seconds, backed her head out of my car (I'm pretty sure she nodded at me, but I might have been imaging things) and just walked away.
    Sometimes you just have to laugh at the sheer absurdity of what gets thrown across your path in life.  And when entertaining wtf kind of things don't happen?  There's always self entertainment.