I expected any number of tricks to get out of it. I set my alarm with more than enough time to hit the snooze button a few times if I needed it, have a cup of coffee, shower, combat any stalling tricks on her part, and make it there on time, since I was taking her before I picked my mom up from dialysis. It was only her yearly physical and distemper shot..nothing big. I didn't need the snooze button (bonus), got up, half expected a trashed house (stalling tactic #1), and was surprised to see everything was intact. I found her curled up trying to blend into the sofa. I just pretend I didn't see her as I poured my coffee, went back to my room, and turned the local news on to watch the weather and traffic (more rain.. yuck!) I started to get my stuff together to go in and take a shower, sat back down to finish my coffee, when I heard her coming into my room. Suddenly she was trying to be super cuddly and mushy. (Ah! There was stall tactic #1!) But I had to get in the shower, as I went from having plenty of time to that fine line between right on time/running late. I couldn't have been in the bathroom more than ten minutes. I came out to find the house trashed. And in the middle of the chaos sat the dog. I rushed into my room to get ready (she followed me, sitting in my doorway watching calmly), grabbed my purse, rand back upstairs, and rushed around to clean up the mess. I swear I heard her laughing at me. She knows I'll never leave the house a mess for mom to come home to. I finally get everything cleaned up, grab her harness and leash and the damn harness is twisted and tangled. Now I KNOW she's laughing at me! AND we're running late. Grrr...
I manage to make it to the vet with 1 minute to spare and she starts the shaking, whiny panting thing she does every time we go. There are 2 women sitting in the reception area with these tiny little pet carriers oohing and aahhing at how cute my dog is. I'm assuming the tiny blanketed critters in the carriers were kittens based on my dog's reactions, because she gave a cursory sniff and gave them a pretty wide berth. Then in comes a beautiful red pit bull with golden eyes. Of course my short, stout little porker starts barking at him. Like any good pit, he puts up with it to a point then face palms my dog. The owner and I start laughing. I'm still trying to pull my dog away and tell her "knock it off, he'll have you for lunch, you moron." Then apologize to his owner. He laughs it off, but the receptionist is clearly afraid of a dog fight and ushers us into an exam room. An in comes the Jolly Green Bitch.
She's a vet tech who easily clears 6', over 350lbs, and barely waits for the door to close before she lays into me about my "prejudice against pitbulls," (keep in mind, I still cry thinking about my pit bull a year later), why harnesses are bad for dogs like mine... she weighs my dog (just shy of 50lbs by now) and how my dog is fat, needs to lose weight (insert incredible will power NOT to make a crack at her weight), and basically making me sound like the world's worst dog owner. Halfway into another one of her nasty, I'm doing this wrong lectures, I throw her out of the room. 15 minutes later, the vet actually comes in. I tell her I want it clear that that woman is to never come near my pets or me ever again and tell her what had happened. The vet didn't really look all that shocked.
Of course my dog is still in panic mode, but she lets her exam her, pet her, and even draw blood and bandage her. She doesn't take the slightest notice when she gets her shot. We go over a few vaccine recommendations and suggestions about how to get her to stop barking so much. Of course, on the way out, she's limping with her big, purple polka dotted bandage like she had a broken leg instead of blood work, but hey, she's not barking, so if she wants to be overly dramatic and pathetic, that's fine. Of course as I'm paying the bill, she spots another dog and is off barking and bouncing again (the injured leg forgotten)... at least until the vet comes around to hand me her flea and tick medicine than it's like "oh yeah, I'm hurt..limp, whine, ow... limp, whine, ow.. oh yeah "bark!"... Oops.
The entire car ride she lays down and whines like I was tortured her and when my mom got in the car, she kept trying everything she could to show her her poor, bandaged leg. Of course, she only limped anytime my mom looked at her as we walked into the house (bounded and jumped around when my mom's back was turned). And the usual routine of jumping on the bed next to my mom to wait for the rest of my mom's roll, except to shove her bandage in my mom's face just to make sure my mom saw... the whole "look what she did to me while you were gone!!" The second my mom saw it, she tried to chew it off her leg. Then proceeded to swallow the roll whole, run through the house, and pretend that the vet never happened... I dread going back in a few weeks for her next vaccines. At least I won't have to deal with the Jolly Green Bitch from now on.
Dogs are like toddlers, aren't they? Manipulative, sneaky little toddlers! She is too cute and OBVIOUSLY the apple of your eye!
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