Another Daily Lesson--Or More

   After yesterday's X-rays, I did manage to get at least some of the shopping I needed done.  I just wish I could remember what I needed (and bought) from the local health and beauty store. Other than cookies, that is.  I bought some Danish butter cookies for mom (one of her favorites) and a small bag of those chocolate wafer cookies for me, since they were on sale.  I did pop into the fashion store next to it because I felt like buying a new purse.  I'm back to wanting a smaller purse again as opposed to the larger ones I've come to use over the past few years.  Of course there wasn't anything I liked either on sale or not that wasn't covered in logos, obnoxious patterns, or bright colours that you couldn't miss from 10 miles away.  Except, of course, a few beautiful larger bags.  One was a Nine West black leather bag, the other was a Michael Kors leather bag.  As much as I'm against the whole brand name, stuff collecting, must have the latest-shiny-new-because-it's-cool thing, I also have my weaknesses (like shoes and purses, but I tend to buy them on sale, on clearance, or as cheap as possible..not that it makes it really any better).  But those purses were also depressing at the same time.  A year ago, I would have bought either one without a second thought for several reasons:  I didn't have several medical bills coming in the mail for who knows how many hundreds of dollars (I'm not sure if my blood work is going to be included in the bills, or if they're going to be billed as part of the office visits since these are new specialists and all doctors bill differently, especially specialists), I would definitely returning to school in the fall and my textbooks, notebooks, and laptop would fit perfectly in either of the bags if I didn't feel like using my backpack (another sad reality: if my body didn't decide to wage a no holds bar, all out war against itself, I would have graduated last week), and, well, I could have come up with several uses for either purse.  So I went back to my car and stopped for some much needed Starbucks.  Double bonus--I learned they brought back the coconut mocha frappaccino.  So I bought a scone for myself and my mom, and a piece of lemon pound cake for my mom (she's too underweight and I'm trying to bribe her with her favorite treats in order to help her gain weight). 
    Then as I was home enjoying my cup of frozen awesomness, I realized something--I'm stress eating again.  My migraines are becoming more frequent and more intense, my symptoms aren't easing, my pain is increasing, my newest specialist is waging her own war against my body until she confirms a diagnosis (translation: test after test after test, both blood and every scan you can think of) so that I can try to get some semblance of my life back instead of this hell, worrying about my own family and their health (too long of a story to go into, but let's just say that while most of us have inherited some awesome intelligence genes, the physical/health end of the gene pool seems pretty shallow), and the million other things going on.  And without realizing it, I slowly slipped back into eating my way through it.  It took years for me to break the habit and I started again late last fall, realized what I was doing, and fought like hell to stop at the beginning of this year.  In the process, I also lost 35lbs.  So now I have to start over again to break the habit and it's NOT an easy one to break, even when you do realize what's happening.  I just have to find something else to keep my mind occupied when I find myself wanting cookies or ice cream (or the oh so dangerous coconut mocha frappuccino!) Glad I found my mom's old Art Explosion disks, a website to work on, and a pretty good sized personal library in my office..that should keep me busy for a little while.  I hope.