Rose Red

     Rose Red is a Stephen King novel about a wealthy woman's--Ellen Rimbauer--diary.  Shortly after her marriage, her husband bought them a plot of land and began to build a mansion, with the intentions of filling it with not just things they had purchased from their world travels, but the finest of everything.  Unfortunately, the land, construction, and the house itself was cursed from the beginning by a series of accidents and deaths.  Ellen herself felt the compulsion to ceaselessly build one project, one addition, one improvement after another.  It was almost as if as long as the construction never ended, she found a way to keep herself from facing the sorrow and the horrors of what was really going on. 
     Sometimes I feel the same way.  I work online, I write, I draw, I read, I find ways to keep busy.  And I'm always trying to find ways to remodel and redecorate.  And clean everything out.  I have no clue how, but I can fill up over two dozen large boxes of stuff for donation and in no time, I find myself overrun with clutter.  And I'm back to filling up boxes.  And wanting to redo my office.  Again.  I just redid my office (kind of) just shy of two years ago.  My best friend was given a new desk for Christmas and wanted to know if I wanted her old one.  I needed a desk.  She also bought me a surge protector and a desk chair to go with it.  Then she bought a new entertainment center to go with the television her parents bought her for Christmas and asked me if I wanted her old one, so it too, went into my office.  I already had a baker's rack I was using as a book shelf, and when I used the space as a bedroom, I painted the walls that didn't have wall paper (which was picked out by my late grandfather, so I have no intentions of changing it and it matches the paint colour), bought new curtains and I had a new office space.  But I was never really satisfied with it.  I could only fit so many books in it, one wall is used for storage, firewood, and a plastic tote of books to be put in the attic for storage, I have a treadmill that I intend to sell considering I can't use it and neither can my mom, I really don't have the space for my books to be organized the way I want (or for them to be as accessible as I'd like), the carpet is rather hideous, over 30 years old, the entertainment center would probably fall over if you sneezed too hard on it (it's been taken apart and put back together several times, but it was free, worked for awhile, and considering it's one of those starter Ikea specials, it's not that bad), and the space also doubles as the kiddies' playroom.  I have a full tote of Barbies, boxes of legos, Lincoln Logs, stuffed animals, a tea set, match box cars, and a few other toys.  And of course, a television, Wii, and a few games.  But mostly, the space is constantly a crowded cluster.  And I can't stand it.  No matter how I figure it, it never works.  So it's time for an overhaul.  But how? 
   Then I saw a picture on a friend's Facebook page.  It was a bedroom.  Except it was a bed, a hanging light, and wall-to-wall books.  My dream library.  Granted, I couldn't do something like that in my bedroom (which is also on my list of remodeling, but will be a larger challenge and a different blog), but that's when I realized what I can do in my office.  I can build my library.  My mom has already laid claim to the baker's rack (10 seconds into my idea and she's claiming stuff already--I guess she's all for it!).  First I need to clean out and donate a lot of stuff.  Next to go is that hideous, worn out, trashed carpet.  I'm sure I can find a cheap remnant, since I don't need padding or any fancy stuff to go with it--it's in the basement and a relatively high traffic area.  And I can either find or build a book case.  But not a small one.  One that will take up the entire wall where the small entertainment center is.  I just need some space for the few toys, DVD's, my nephew's books (he's totally a male mini-me), the Wii, and the television, but I'll have entire WALL for my books!  I can finally seal the leaks in the sliding glass doors, but they won't be blocked by anything anymore.  Unless we get new couches in the living room;  then I'll have a loveseat, which is fine.  I can buy a cover cheap enough.  Then when I have the money and the time, I can look into a small wardrobe for the storage corner, so I have a place to put my out of season clothes and bedding instead of giant plastic totes.  Workable, affordable (dirt cheap!), easy enough to do since I'm in no rush, and totally what I've been wanting, but couldn't imagine--that is, until I saw that picture.  And one more thing to add to my project list.  (As if working on at least a dozen other projects right now isn't enough....I can start collecting what I want for the office while I'm packing up stuff to get rid of for donation--except hopefully this time the clutter will stay gone)  Now what to do about that interior window, 2 gallon fish tank, and 30 gallon fish tank...
    But I know better than to think that this will be done in a short period of time.  My pain levels and mobility are still worsening, the fatigue has its days.  It's going to be a long process.  But I find the process of cleaning things out and redecorating/remodeling to be psychologically good for my mind, body, and soul.  It's like closing the door to the past and moving forward towards the future.  Remembering the past and all of its lessons is never a bad thing, but sometimes physically wiping the slate clean to prepare for what's to come can be therapeutic, no matter how slow the progress is.