Taking Things for Granted

     It's amazing all the simple things in life most of us take for granted.  At least until we find that either it is difficult to do so, or impossible to do them.  For many of us, we wake up in the morning, smack the snooze button as many times as we can until either we don't have enough time left to before we're going to be late for work or class, or we find ourselves tripping over our feet in a mad dash to the bathroom because our bladders are about to explode.  Then we have our coffee, take a quick shower, get dressed, and begin the rest of our day.   (For the motivated of us, time at the gym is squeezed in before breakfast as well).  It's not something to give a second thought to.. well, unless it's one of those Murphy Monday kind of days.. the alarm doesn't go off, you oversleep, spill coffee on yourself, run out of hot water, have car trouble.. stuff like that.  That is, until you find you can't do that anymore.
    After I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, it took me several years to accept it.  Medications weren't working.  Diet changes didn't work.  Physical therapy and several forms of exercise didn't help.  I was exhausted.  I was in pain.  Yoga helped ease some of the pain, but it didn't do a lot.  My sleeping habits sucked--mostly because I would sleep 8-10 hours (sometimes more, sometimes less) and still wake up exhausted.  Several sleep studies revealed that I would wake up several dozen times a night.  I'm not talking about 2 to 3 dozen times.  It was closer to 5 or 6, some studies showed as many as 8 or 9 dozen times.  I wouldn't fully wake up--meaning I would know I was awake, but my EEGs would show I would wake up to Stage 1 sleep--the point that you first begin to doze off.  My neurologist--the one who ordered the studies-- agreed with the findings that it's caused by pain and possibly muscle spasms. Then I found out I don't have Fibro (explains why the medications didn't work). 
     As much as the experience of being blown off as a hypochondriac then being misdiagnosed for a decade (technically longer, but my symptoms were relatively easy to ignore/hide while I lived my life) sucked, what sucked even more was just how many opportunities I passed up and how many things I took for granted.  Like remodeling my room or office.  Trips I put off taking.  De-cluttering things for donation (and giving everyone in this house a fighting chance of finding stuff).  Going out with friends more.  Too many things to mention.  I don't regret many things in life.  Regret tends to be as poisonous as hatred, grudges, and other negative feelings.  You can't go back and change the past, but you can learn from it.  And I wouldn't be the person I am today if it wasn't for the life I have lived--both the good and the bad.  After all, we grow as people when we make it through the tough times and learn to appreciate the better times more. 
     Now it takes me no less than an hour to get out of bed every morning.  My joints ache that bad and become that stiff that I have to go through a "checklist" of sorts every day.  It's become more of an obsessive compulsive exercise ritual--just to be able to get out of bed.  This isn't something I do because I want or choose to.  It's because I have to.  And there isn't a day that I don't have to.  I have to slowly get my joints moving and loosen up. I slowly move my fingers and toes, roll my wrists, ankles, neck, arms, move my knees, hips, back, elbows, shoulders.. everything.  Then I sit up and repeat the process until my joints feel loose enough to get out of bed.  Then begins the slow process of starting my morning--washing up, coffee.. all while moving slowly, trying to stretch to force my body to loosen up and get moving.  On days that I have to pick my mother up, doctor's appointments, or know I have errands to take care of, my pain medication isn't an option.  I never thought that something like just getting out of bed would be such a difficult task.  Or other simple things most of us don't think twice about. 
       There are days that the tiniest tasks seem to be too daunting and difficult.  I never thought I would see the day that something like having a cup of coffee would be hard.  First, the joints in my hands were so swollen, trying to hold a coffee mug full of coffee was a challenge.  Think about it--your fingers are too swollen to grasp the handle properly.  And because of the swelling, holding the mug with two hands is also difficult because with the swelling comes overall weakness in your hands.  A straw might work, but straws are made of plastic and coffee is hot.  So it takes time, patience, and perseverance.  Not to mention a tolerance for room temperature coffee, considering how long it takes to drink it with swollen, aching, weakened hands. 
     Other examples?  Brushing teeth and hair.  Same problem.  Even as the swelling goes down.  Except I have an electronic tooth brush, so the vibration also makes my fingers go numb.  But I'm not about ready to lose my teeth.  My hair?  It rarely sees a brush--I mostly use my hands because my hair is very long, extremely curly, and unruly is an understatement on a good day.  A brush would just turn it into a frizzy mess.  Finger combing seems to work the best.  In combination with good leave-in conditioners.  Which also requires taking a shower.  Which at times is enough to leave me in bed the rest of the day.  The energy it takes, the pain it causes, things most people don't think twice about.  Taking my clothes off, as easy as it sounds makes me feel like I should be a contortionist because my joints are in too much pain (stepping out of pants or shorts, underwear, pulling a shirt over my head.. unclasping my bra.. things no one ever gives a second thought to unless they're in a situation and their mobility is restricted), stepping over the edge of the bathtub, getting the caps off the shampoo, conditioner, and body wash bottles.. using towels to dry off, getting dressed again..
    These are just a few examples of what many people don't think twice about doing every day because it's part of a daily routine.  Things no one would think would be difficult unless something happens and they have to adjust and adapt for short periods of time (injury, surgery, bad luck..), but quickly forgotten when life returns to normal. Because they're just taken for granted.  This post was not--and is not--intended to be a pity party or anything of the sort at all.  It is simply the truth.  I am but one person who deals with this struggle.  Some days are better than others.  I'm able to have my coffee with no problems, or shower and dress without agony.  The routine of getting out of bed remains the same--some days it doesn't take as long, other days, much longer.  But I am also not the only one who is going through the same thing.  For some, it's even more difficult. I have learned that on those days when the little things aren't as hard to not take those things for granted, but to relish in the ability to do them with little to no difficulty. 
     I have also learned to enjoy those rare days that I can actually sit (or lay back) and relax--not because my body is forcing me to--but because I can.  I don't often to that, considering how rare those days are and how many things I have to put aside because I can't physically do them.  When I do have a better day, I pace myself and get a few things done (which is a challenge in and of itself because it's very easy to overdo it and spend days recovering from it).  As much as I regret having wasted so much time over the past decade, in some ways, I also don't.  Between what my life was before this illness (when I was working), when I was misdiagnosed with Fibromyalgia, and this illness's latest flare that has once again drastically changed how I live my life and how I look at life, I have learned that nothing, no matter how small, simple, or "normal" it may seem in life, should be taken for granted.  Because you never know when that tiny, simple, normal, everyday thing you do today might become an incredibly difficult task tomorrow.