A Lesson In Fighting

     In the 70s, a chemical company located in New Jersey, responsible for the safe disposal of toxic chemical waste was cited for cutting corners, accepting waste it had no permits to accept, and, of course, illegal dumping.  By the late 70s, the owners of the company had been heavily fined, the site was shut down, and the EPA declared the entire lot a Superfund Site--meaning that the federal government would be working along side the county and state government to safely and effectively clean up the site.  (Notice the word "efficient" is left out--there's a reason for that).  Just over 32 years ago--in 1980--with very little work done to the site and the company's owners facing criminal charges, the site exploded.  As one local resident described it "it looked like a rainbow colored mushroom cloud."  While the EPA STILL has not released a full list of what was on site, in my research, the most I could find was a 32 page list of chemicals, ranging from pesticides, benzene, arsenic based chemicals, but they did exclude any radioactive elements.  I knew firefighters at the scene.  I had family in the area.  I lived near there.  I may have been a baby then, but I was hospitalized a few days after the fire.  And I've been sick my whole life.
     My parents decided maybe the suburbs were probably a better choice to live than an urban area like they grew up in.  Less chemicals, less crime, a bit safer... they weren't looking for my brother and I to have the Prozac Pollyanna childhoods, but something that we didn't have to ask why there were green spots on the cars from the refineries, or always having to look over our shoulders, or "what's that smell?" and having to close the windows and guard the house with shotguns after an industrial accident kinda thing, ya know?  Except it didn't quite work out with the house behind us getting robbed, and the crack dealer around the corner, and the drug addict across the street who seemed sweet on mom.. SO we ended up in the middle of nowhere.. with mountains. And trees.  And cows.  And having to drive to get ANYTHING. And darkness.  Real. True. Darkness.  Scary stuff when you're used to hearing traffic at night and things like street lamps.  And I won't even talk about the wildlife adjustment.  City and Suburban squirrels look like hamsters compared to these mutant lardasses up here.  But I'm babbling and digressing..
    It took us awhile to adjust.  Who knew a place like this existed in Jersey?  Of course we moved here when MTV played real music--before the fake ghetto shit was cool and city accents were a sure fire way to get your ass beat in school.  Because here?  You were either some rich city commuting transplant or a farmer's kid.  My brother and I weren't.  We "tawked" funny.  We weren't rich, but we weren't poor, but my parents saw no reason to have the best of everything even if we had the money for it because if what we had worked, why throw it out? 
    There was 1 rule in our family: never take the first swing.  And I never did.  But I damn sure was always the one taking the last one.  And my mom's second job was talking to the school principal.  I could take a lot of verbal abuse after awhile, but my brother was a different story.  He was a grade below me and preferred the "turtle stance" when it came to fighting.  I spent most of my time defending him.
    I even went into a career field where I had to work and fight 10 times harder than anyone else simply because I was female.  I was a mechanic.  And damn good at it.  Still am, even if I can't do it.
    The point is, I grew up fighting.  And to this day I never lost a fight. Ever. Except now I find myself in a different kind of fight.  One of the first lessons I learned when my father taught me how to fight (besides never take the first swing, so be prepared to dodge it), is to know my opponent.  I don't know my opponent.  I know my body.  I know something is very, very wrong and it's fighting itself.  But I don't know what it is.  And the only course of action is to try to remain calm and be patient until that day comes when the opponent is finally revealed.  Which for someone as emotional and impatient as I am, is one of the most difficult things to do.  Except during a fight....especially one as important as this one is.  Then everything is turned off but focus and determination.