So today was the most difficult of the tests so far. By now I've racked up 10 doctors appointments with at least another 4 this month, X-rays, over 60 pages of blood test results, one less prescription (for now, depending on how my levels stay), three new prescriptions, at least one new specialist with three on the horizon, and who knows how much money in medical bills because except for a $29 neurologists bill, a $19 primary doctor's bill, and a $15 ER bill (and an additional $50 the hospital is trying to collect because my insurance didn't pay them as much as they anticipated, so they're expecting ME to cover the rest--yeah. Right. Not after the way they treated me that day. I have a few ideas what they can do with THAT particular bill, but expecting me to pay it isn't one of them), today was hopefully the last of the major tests.
I had to go in for a CT scan of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis. Until now, I've only had my chest and pelvis done on separate occasions. The latter I was introduced to the nightmare that is Barium Sulfate suspension. For those of you lucky enough to never have the experience, consider yourselves lucky. The unflavored stuff is a bit rough, but it's a texture thing--it has no taste to it. It's more of a flavorless, thick, chalky, gross stuff. (Think milk of magnesia, pepto bismol, or several sites compared it to a combination of what happens when chalk meets latex paint minus the smell). It's a pretty accurate description. It's tough, but it's when they attempt to flavor it with a sickeningly sweet, artificial orange stuff that makes it even worse. And lucky me, someone screwed up the shipment, so I got stuck with the orange flavor. Essentially, the purpose of drinking it is so that it lines your entire GI tract to produce a better contrast during the scan. No food or water for a certain time before the test and a lot of suspension has to be taken at intervals before the test. If you can get it down, at first, the hard part is keeping it in your stomach because it's thick, heavy, and doesn't quite sit right.
My mom came with me today just in case I had any problems before the test (like vomiting), or side effects of the suspension (yeah.. did I mention the other wonderful side effect? As it passes through your digestive tract, it gives you almost NO warning when it's on its way out and it can last for hours... NOT fun) My nerves were on edge today because this was it. My stomach threatened to revolt at any moment, and because of new laws passed, even imaging places insist on asking you 500 questions about your health, medical history, medications; you name it, they ask you now. Keep in mind I was just there 2 weeks ago for X-rays, so they had all of this info, but I can understand reviewing important things like allergies. I did get a bit upset when they couldn't find my prescription list and had me fill out a 2 page medical form--AGAIN. "Why did you go to the dr?" was one of the questions (just like the last time) I simply put "because I was and am sick." I tend to get bitchy when my anxiety is pushing towards panic and I'm being asked a myriad of stupid questions I just answered less than 2 weeks ago. Then a mother with her 4 year old son came in.
The waiting room was empty. I was a few chairs away from my mom because it was closer to the bathroom and my stomach was still threatening to revolt on me, but this woman picked the chair 2 seats away from me, putting her hyper kid next to me. I moved one seat down to finish filling out my form. She got a little pissy, but he kept kicking me and shaking my chair. Of course he sits next to me AGAIN. So I got up and threw myself in a seat 2 away from my mom. If looks could kill, I think the boy's mom would've killed me on the spot. I just told her next time I'll just puke on her son then. She didn't bother me after that. I'm scared, barely containing a major panic attack, full of a thick, contrast suspension fluid that is threatening to come out either end of me, and about to go for a test that yes, is looking to confirm a diagnosis of a specific autoimmune disease, but is also looking for a form of cancer. Lymphoma to be exact. And that scares the hell out of me.
I understand my doctor's logic. The reasonable, logical, rational part of my brain understands it as well. Some of my symptoms fit. There's really nothing in over a decade of labs to indicate I have it, BUT, I have to get the scan done, so look for both while I'm there so that she can definitively cross it off the list of what this is not. It makes sense. It's logical. The odds are so slim and it will be one more thing she can say with certainty that it's not. Right? But there it is. No one ever wants to hear that scary "C" word come up in conjunction with a test that they're going in for. Ever. It's enough to rattle anyone's nerves.
At least I got to look at the scans when my insides started to settle down. Like everything else (except X-rays), I had NO clue what the hell I was looking at except black, grey, and white swirly blobby things, but I've always found it neat to see what my insides look like. Bones I know. I did see that my lower spine curves off in a way it's not supposed to, though. Didn't expect to see that. I mean, it's not so horrible that I walk bent sideways, but it's definitely noticeable in the scan. I'll have to ask the doc about that one, since I doubt the radiologist will mention it, considering what he (or she) is looking for. My doctor should have the results sometime next week and I hope I get a call then instead of having to wait until the end of the month when my next appointment is, or the next 3+ weeks are just plain going to suck even with a lot of other things to take care of. Hell, I wrote out my bills at 2am. Who does that? Okay, so I do. But I couldn't sleep, I read the same paragraph a dozen times, and there's nothing on TV, so I figured I'd try to be constructive. (I also filled out over a dozen environmental surveys and signed even more petitions while I was at it and made a note to buy more stamps) And if I do have to wait that long for results, I have a feeling Xanax just isn't going to cut it.
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