Definition of Insanity--Revisited

      I mentioned last night that in one of my rare but many lightbulb moments I realized a pattern to these flares.  Whatever "this" is, it didn't start in December, it started years ago.  When, I'm not exactly sure, but since I only have about 6 or 7 years of prescription records and about half my labs from maybe the past 5 years, I might be able to piece it together.  Emphasis on might.  Of course it would be easier if I could eliminate all the positive Lyme Disease tests, 5th's Disease (not sure if I have the test, but I know the date), Epstein Barr Virus, sinus infections and the resulting surgery... But I know there is a pattern.  Some of the symptoms vary (like this time my hair isn't falling out in chunks, I'm not entirely sure how I react in the sun because I've been pretty much a hermit), but overall, the symptoms are the same:  my joints swell, the pain is constant, my sleeping is off by a mile, my migraines return, anomalies show up in my labs (another connection I made), some new drug or another is shoved down my throat and the inevitable steroids.  Damned steroids.  Prednisone.  Medrol.  And what I stupidly never even thought about over the past year when my rheumatologist's nurse called me back again today (I'll get into that fun convo in a bit) mentioned that it had been almost 3 years since I was on steroids--CORTISONE--steroids!! except I was getting it injected for a knee problem (even though I was flaring, having a swollen, excruciatingly painful knee that kept collapsing kind of puts everything else out of your mind).
           But I called the dr back this morning because I still didn't receive a copy of my labs (which I was told were mailed last Wednesday) and his nurse (the really nice one who sadly wasn't there for his tirade during my appointment) called me back to let me know it went out this morning and he's recommending that I go on Voltaren--another anti-inflammatory since I flat out refused prednisone.  I can understand not going through my entire chart since I've been a patient of his for 9 years, but there hasn't been much he hasn't tried me on--Voltaren included on that list.  So I once again said no.  And I resisted the urge to really tell this poor nurse what was really on my mind.  It's not her fault her boss is a moron, so it's not right to yell at her for something her boss did.  I did tell her to leave a message for the doctor that I do have an appointment with my ID specialist at the end of the month, I will bring a copy of his labs with me, and see what he wants to do.  I don't want to be put on any more medications than I'm already on right now.  And I left it at that.  When I hung up the phone, I found myself curled up, going over the conversation I wish I had, but with the arrogant ass who put me in this position.  Of course 90% of this conversation was laced with just about every profanity and insult you can imagine (and probably can't imagine, given my creativity level) and I realized that I was still living the definition of insanity--doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different outcome.
       For years I've had almost the same symptoms appear for weeks to months at a time.  Each time, the same anomalies appear in my blood work, and my rheumatologist puts me on steroids and anti-inflammatories and sends me on my merry little way, and I eventually improve to my normal, but achy, self.  And each time it returns, it gets just a little bit worse, requires a little stronger dose of medication, and sticks around for a little longer.  And I just go with it.  Why?  Because he's a doctor.  A specialist, no less.  So he should know better, right?  Until now.  I want to know the why before this goes away again, before I'm put on more drugs, before it comes back worse.  Next time it might not just leave me stuck in bed 75% of the time, in pain, with nothing helping, joints so swollen I barely recognize my own body, but put me in a wheelchair, or a hospital.  Or worse.  That arrogant ass actually blew up at me during my appointment because I went and saw another specialist.  And that specialist had a difference of opinion.  The ID specialist put me on a powerful pain medication and an anti-rheumatic drug and drew over 14 vials of blood--testing basic body chemistry and all forms of tick born diseases (which were all negative, so on to step 2).  My rheumatologist would have had those test results while I was there if his technician stayed on hold for another 10 seconds instead of taking a call from her daughter in order to plan Easter dinner (because that's always more important than patients, right?).  Then went on a tirade about my new specialist and how he doesn't understand what the hell he's thinking putting me on this medication, without the lab results, he doesn't even know what to order (like it's a big deal to order the same panel 2 weeks later, right?  What's another 8 vials after 14?) and on and on and on he ranted.  Turns out that the rheumatologist's labs showed an INCREASE in my sed rate and crp levels (a bad thing...) and *poof* suddenly he's in agreement with the ID specialist.  Although I'm also pretty sure that he did a bit of research on the guy after seeing me and discovered that my newest specialist is also one of the best in the state... and for some pretty good reasons.  Not a good idea to bash someone like that if you don't want to tank your own career. 
       I know diseases like whatever is obviously wrong with me can be very difficult to diagnose (I'm not even going to worry about or think about the treatment side.... YET), but sometimes I just feel like I'm some lab rat running in a wheel going over the same obstacle over and over and over... Now to hope that my rheumatologist gets pissed enough at my latest "um, no!" to call me himself this time... :D