It's a bit early in the day (okay, 4 in the afternoon, but still.. I usually blog later at night) to blog, but since this idea started rattling in my head yesterday morning, I have a feeling my blogs will be written a bit earlier until their complete. Instead of one very long blog (which most won't read all the way through), I decided last night to break it down into several smaller blogs. And once again, thank you, Chris, for the idea. I also want to thank C (the amazing, brave young woman who also helped me realize that spreading awareness is far more effective than anything else; I use only her first initial because of her age) and Kristin, who shared last night's blog with her friends because she found it to be a simple way to explain to them what makes us the same, but also what makes us different. I'm sure I'll be adding more names in the future. So here goes some further mythbusting to educate the uninformed and ignorant.
Last night, I explained how everything happens for a reason, that while not it is not our right to be healthy, it IS our right to be happy (and also our choice to be), and why some of us with invisible illnesses work, work part time, or don't work at all. I dispelled the myth that we're lazy, attention-seeking drug addicts. Today? I'll continue on the "we're just lazy and/or drug addicted" themes, except apply it to goals and a sense of accomplishment.
Almost everyone has a set of goals in life. Long term goals, short term goals, even daily goals. For a lot of people a sense of accomplishment means finally saving up enough money to buy their dream car, getting that job they always wanted (after the proper education, training, etc.), getting married, having kids, a successful career, finally getting that promotion from work, finishing that extensive project list (repaint the house, build a new deck, landscape..remodel the house... you get the idea). Big stuff. Then there's the daily things: make it to work on time, manage to make it to the gym like you've been promising yourself for months, go through the entire day without smearing your makeup, wearing food or coffee, all of those stupid little things those who don't live with invisible diseases take for granted.
Us? We have a lot of the same goals. They just tend to get put on hold, modified, or changed. We also add to the list things like "find a diagnosis," "find a treatment that actually helps," "have at least a few hours that the pain is either gone or low enough to get anything done," "actually be able to get a full night's sleep," and things of that nature. Our sense of accomplishment ranges from the same things the rest of the "normal" population deal with to being able to do things like being able to clean the house, do the laundry, prepare and cook dinner, be able to go shopping. It doesn't sound like much to most people, but sometimes even those simple little things become seemingly impossible for us to do some days. So for those of you who have an "invisibly ill" friend or family member, next time you go over to their house or apartment and notice that it's a little dusty, maybe a little messy, looks like it could be vacuumed, don't judge them as being slobs, pigs, or lazy whether they work or not (especially if they don't work), try to put yourself in their shoes. Think about what it would be like to be in too much pain to do such a simple chore as picking up a dust rag or swiffer and walk around the house to dust it, or to vacuum the floor up, even when you have all day to do it. And even though they might be in the kitchen making tea or a pot of coffee, acting like everything is okay, think about what just went through your head as you saw the dust bunnies and the clutter. Wouldn't you pretend everything is fine? Think about what that person's other friends and family members said when their illness first started and that person first started talking about it. All the doctors, the medications, all the times they were told they looked fine, how many times they may have been told they WERE fine before they were finally diagnosed (if they were diagnosed), and how many people walked away from them because they got tired of what they thought was whining and attention seeking. Wouldn't you automatically act like you were fine whenever someone came over for a visit even if you were far from it after going through all of that? Just think about it before you judge someone next time you walk into their house and it doesn't look like it belongs in the next issue of "Better Homes and Gardens."
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