Growing

      I spent years crying "why me?" when I saw what I knew to be my life slipping away.  Slowly, it started to change to acceptance and the desire to help others who are going through similar situations.  For the most part, that "why me" is gone almost entirely, but every once in awhile it kinda sneaks up on me.  Depression is just another facet of my health.  If you wake up every day feeling like crap and unsure what the day is going to bring, it's hard not to be depressed.  Nevermind the whole biochemical reaction involved with living in chronic pain and mood.
      Today I wanted to start cleaning up the top of the yard by the street and work my way back.  Unfortunately, it was foggy, rainy, and miserable out.  Raking leaves isn't too easy in the first place let alone trying to rake sopping wet leaves.  So I didn't do much of anything except take pain medication, stretch, and dye my hair back to its normal dark red.  I'm not quite sure how it came out yet, since it's still wet.  A few months ago I attempted to dye it black and it came out a very dark, reddish brown (you could only really see the red when I'm out in the sun).  Now it looks black... go figure. I'll find out in the morning how it turned out since I avoid hair dryers and the like.
           But getting back to my point, I've recently met some amazing people online who are going through similar situations.  They keep a positive attitude (most of the time, like anyone, we all have our bad days) and are not only inspiring, but made me realize that what I am doing is right--trying to get the word out about autoimmune and chronic pain disorders.  And no matter what the next few months reveal, I have that hope and that knowledge to hang on to.