It's such a beautiful day outside. Warm, sunny, very few insects (a serious bonus)... in short, the perfect weather to start gardening this year. Or at least prepare everything for when winter finally leaves. And I'm stuck inside in pain and frustrated. It's no secret that my life has been very stressful the last few years, with my health declining, my mother having to start dialysis, and some serious family problems. Not to mention getting out of a 3 and a half year bad relationship.
While sitting on the front porch last spring looking around the yard (that hadn't been touched except to mow in almost a decade), I began to think about fixing it up slowly. Slowly being the key word--at least at the time. So a few days later, I grabbed my headphones and iPod, a decent pair of sneakers and set to work on cleaning it all up. While I found it physically challenging on many levels, I found it psychologically refreshing. I was not just doing boring yard work; I was slowly seeing what looked like something out of a trailer park into something beautiful again... and it was with my own 2 hands. I found it easy to just lose myself in the music while keeping my hands busy. Within a few weeks, though, my neighbor's dogs destroyed part of my garden while jumping into the yard, looking for my late pit bull, my father and his friends had trampled, broken, and ruined edging I carefully put up, bushes I had trimmed, grass I had planted, and a few flowers, while my newly adopted rescue puppy busied herself with digging ginormous holes in an area that I'm still trying to figure out how to keep from eroding, since rebuilding a wall torn down 15 years ago is impractical, biting the heads off my tulips, digging up other plants, and adding to the destruction.
This year I'm a bit hesitant to even begin again because of the frustration I dealt with last year. It doesn't stop me from having some great ideas and the urge to do it. One of the biggest projects I'd like to do is the creation of my own little refuge out back. I live in my parents basement. Partly because it's almost impossible to financially support myself with medical bills, car repair, rent, phone, etc., partly because I am still determined to finish my college education, and partly to help my mother out around the house. In my office is a set of sliding glass doors that open to the backyard. There's a small spot just outside that would be perfect for a garden. It's naturally edged by exposed mountains and surrounded by a stone wall. Just off of this perfect place is a small deck that was built when we had a hot tub, which is located under the back deck. It's just that perfect little spot that on days like this when I feel like crap, I can escape outside in a comfortable chair, smell the flowers, relax, and read.
Except for one major road block. For years, that small deck has been a place for bulk trash. Old machines that no longer work, broken toys, a mattress set that should have been taken when I bought my new mattress, and Lord only knows what else. My father had made arrangements with someone who agreed to take the scrap heap (or trash heap, whatever you choose to call it) away LAST YEAR! Nothing has been moved. So I can't even plant my garden because walking through it is the only way to get rid of that crap. Looks like I can add renting a dumpster and bribing friends with food to get it out of there. My mother and I did plan to clean out the attic this spring anyway, so it's not like it's not on the "to do list" anyway. Like with most everything else, I'll find a way to figure out how to make it happen. For now, it's about finding answers and trying to keep from being frustrated.
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