New Years Eve was a laid back, quiet night. Something that was definitely in order. The guy I've been kinda seeing came up and my mom was home pretty early from dinner at her other kid's house. It took me over a week to talk her into going, given the events of the previous week, but in the end, she relented because she misses her granddaughters. She went to bed around 11 that night and was asleep before midnight. I finally turned on ABC around 1130 to catch the news and watch the ball drop (I can't stand Ryan Seacrest and neither could he), we breathed a sigh of relief the year was finally over. I knew the first two weeks of this year was going to be a bit rough, but figured it would improve after that. I'd be back in school, my mom is coming off more medication, and while my knee still isn't fully healed, it's definitely better, so I'm back to my yoga 3 days a week. Gotta start somewhere, right? Then it quickly all went to hell...
My father had to go in for minor surgery last week and was intending on staying here for a day or two, which I had no problems with. It was at best an angioplasty, at worst, a stent. The difference in time was whether he came home the same day, or stayed overnight. It's a relatively quick procedure (about an hour, hour and a half if they have to put a stent in the artery), so we left early Friday morning, checked into the hospital by 515am, and prepared for a pretty simple day. Just shy of an hour the surgeon comes out to my mother and I and asks us into a private room. We knew something was wrong considering any of the other patients families were told everything was fine in the waiting room as they learned about how their loved ones made it through their surgeries. He drew a quick picture of a heart, 3 main arteries of the heart, one on either side, and one that goes around the center of the heart. He briefly explained that his heart muscles were very week, one artery had an 85% blockage, but the artery was too weak to do a stent, the center artery was 100% blocked and they couldn't even get a wire through it, and the third was 95-98% blocked. There was no choice but to perform a triple bypass. Failing to disclose how much he had been drinking the past few years, his doctors were not prepared for the damage they found. As soon as I heard "damage, weak, triple bypass" I became numb and my brain started to just shut down. It was a difficult enough week, but now this? Not being prepared for what they found, the surgery is scheduled for later this week.
Earlier in the weak, my mother almost died during dialysis due to a weight error. Being as stubborn as she is, she refused to go to the ER, so the techs called her doctor. If he said to bring her in, she wouldn't have a choice. After about an hour, her blood pressure was finally out of the danger zone (having gone from 65/43 to 75/45), but she was in serious pain in addition to the side effects of very low blood pressure. Then came the meltdown. There was nothing she could have done to prevent her renal failure and for about the next decade (the average time on a waiting list) has to be attached to a machine 3 days a week for several hours just to stay alive while my father caused his problems and after a few hours in a hospital would be back to doing whatever he wants as if nothing happened. It isn't and wasn't fair. And there wasn't a single thing I could do or say to her to help. All I could do and did was listen. It's beyond heartwrenching seeing your family and loved ones suffer so much and not be able to do a damn thing to help them feel better. Neither of us were prepared for what happened Friday.
I have never felt rage the way I did as we learned more about my dad. I listened to him lie to the nurse pre op going over the myriad of questions required before surgery and said nothing. Then I couldn't bring myself to see him in post op/recovery. I was angry. He did this to himself, he still couldn't be honest with himself or his doctors, and once again, I'm the one who has to handle all of it with no choice. Once he got to his own room, I simply stared out the window as he kept moving around and listening to the nurses' lectures about having to lie still. Mom told him that he'd have to be restrained if he didn't listen and he told her to stfu. Mom got up to walk out. Halfway down the hallway, she turned around and went back. I was just the driver, really. After a little over an hour, I said I was going to get the car to avoid rush hour traffic. I just couldn't handle it anymore. The bombshell just became too much. I had a lot to think about, knowing he'd be staying here during recovery which would be a few months. Should I take a leave of absence from school or cut my classes down? After having to do almost everything (but mow the lawn once and move some wood), how am I going to handle this? He left to figure out some things in his life and now that he's in trouble, he's back. Then fuel gets added to the fire... suddenly the man who used to be my brother starts acting like he gives a damn. Not once in almost 7 years has he been there for my mom, asked how she was feeling, dealt with her surgeries, dialysis, bad days.. none of it. The last thing he said to me was "If i was stuck with you knowing that you were never going anywhere would drink myself to death too!" Looks like he may have his wish after all.... and intends to show up at the hospital like he's a caring family member.. the golden child...like nothing is wrong. After turning his back on his family, cutting others out of his life entirely, he has plans to show up as if everything is fine. I've been handling everything relatively well as it comes, but someone is in for a very rude awakening. You don't get to choose when you want to become part of the family and when you can't be bothered. Especially since for well over a decade, every decision that's been made has been for one person and one person alone and to hell with the consequences. It's a good thing the hospital itself is massive and there's plenty of room to walk around and burn off some energy. But just as with everything else, I'll find a way to handle it and come out the other side stronger than before.
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