So it's technically Saturday and 2 days after Thanksgiving, but it's taken me a few tries to get this blog right (and 2 days to come up with a title). Almost all families have traditions on Thanksgiving that evolve over the years as families move farther apart, expand, grow older; my family is no exception. In our case, our dinner went from being held at my grandparents' house to my aunt's house, but everything else stayed the same. Every other year, my uncle would be there since he would spend every other year with his wife's family instead of splitting the day between both families and still does. Since my older cousins married and started families, they split the day between both families, but the oldest cousin doesn't always get holidays off of work, so he and his wife do what they can to make it--they both work at the same restaurant/bar. Then there's my brother. He used to split time between his wife's family and ours, but that seems to have just stopped entirely and he spends all holidays with his wife and her family now. But very little else has changed. Thanksgiving, like all other family get togethers, is a typical family "dysfunction."
Last year was kind of weird for its own personal reasons, but it was a typical family dysfunction. The men standing around outside frying the turkey and getting drunk (before turkey frying, they'd find some excuse to do so), at least 10 different conversations going on with all of us involved in all of them, all of us trying to talk over each other, interrupting, trying to finish at least half a sentence, reliving embarrassing moments from early childhood (no one is immune except my grandfather), and my favourite--the lectures. When am I going to settle down? Am I dating anyone? If I am, is he a good guy this time? I'm not getting any younger. I told you you shouldn't have been a mechanic; that's not a proper career for a lady; I should've gone to school for something more lady like; I could've found a nice, wealthy man, settled down and started a family by now. But at least I'm starting to dress a little better, but can't I leave my hair down just once in awhile? You get the idea. haha
But I actually miss it all. I missed Easter this year because I was just too sick to go. I was running a fever, my lymph nodes were swollen, my pain level was about a 12 on a scale of 1-10, my joints were still extremely swollen I could only really fit into a pair of slippers and most of my pants didn't fit right because of the swelling in my hips and I could barely move. So by Thursday, I hadn't seen the family in over a year. I barely slept Wednesday night because of the pain and couldn't take anything since I was the one who had to drive Thursday. It was a little over an hour, mom wasn't having a bad day, but she wasn't having a great day either and I couldn't take the chance my dad was going to stay sober enough to drive home (some traditions are harder to break--especially when there are 2 turkeys to fry!). But at least I could move, my comfortable dress pants and shoes fit, and one of my good rings fit, so I was going to try to tough it out for the day. Except for getting up early to pick mom up from dialysis Friday morning, I could spend the weekend in bed with my pain meds resting and trying to get the flare under control. By 11am I was in tears wondering how I was going to make it through the entire day in that much pain, why my illnesses couldn't give me just one day of mild enough pain so I can spend time with my family, and angry that I know I should be thankful for a lot of things that day, but no one should ever have to live like this--and I wasn't just talking about myself--my mother, friends I've made over the past year going through the same thing, and the millions of others who are going through the same thing I am. Not being able to fully enjoy (or enjoy at all) holidays with family, not being able to have a "normal" life the way most people have, having to pace ourselves so that we don't overdo it--all of it. Then as we were leaving my mother had one of her dizzy spells in the driveway and did a face plant in the driveway. The good news is she's okay AND she didn't even tear her stockings (how I have no idea, but serious bonus points to Target and their $1 clearance designer lace stockings!), but she skinned it pretty good and is keeping an eye on it because the pain is a little strange now for just a skinned knee. But she swapped her 7" heels for her Dr. Scholl's "Fast Flats" in the car in case it happened again so at least she wouldn't completely lose her balance and fall again--and totally freak the rest of the family out. Her being on dialysis and needing a new kidney has them on edge to begin with, but the slightest hint of something off sends them panicking.
But this family dysfunction was the quietest ever. It was subdued, polite, and well, quiet. It was odd. I almost felt like I was spending time with the wrong family. I know it's been a tough year for all of us in terms of health, but we've had our share of tough years. It was almost like we were all in partial turkey comas long before the birds were even fried. Quiet or not, though, I'm incredibly thankful and love the fact that I did get to see many of them--and just that fact makes this latest flare, partially dislocated hip and all--easier to bear. There'll be another chance at Christmas after all. :)
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