So this week has been, well, interesting. My life is like a deranged sitcom most of the time. I just can't make this shit up. On Monday, I was driving through torrential downpours and flooded roads. The first thing I thought as I pulled out of my driveway was "I'm so glad I put new tires on my car!" Except she started acting up. At first, it felt like there was moisture or water in the gas tank--until the car slipped out of gear into neutral. And I started to panic because I just laid out close to $3,000 to replace the transmission at the end of April. Luckily, it's still under warranty, but still.. could it be failing already!?! Then the real fun began--the shuddering, jerking, slipping out of gear, going into emergency mode (staying in 3rd gear...). Trying to drive an oversized tractor trailer with a bad suspension would've been easier. I run into the building, pick up what I need, get back in the car, and the gear indicator shows that it's in low--while it's in Park. And the battery light's on. The battery light flickers a bit and goes out just before all the gear lights go on along with the check engine light and the car locks in 3rd gear again. I manage to get it out of 3rd gear and the fun begins again. (I still can't believe the possibility of my transmission failing in less than 1,500 miles). I wrangle it to a local garage on Tuesday to get the error codes and I'm given an entire page of them, including what's wrong with my air conditioner. (I found out it didn't work during the first heatwave last summer, but I never use it.) In addition to the transmission problems, the main computer for my transmission isn't communicating with anything, my dashboard cluster isn't communicating with the car, and my airbags aren't communicating, either. Oh, and somehow the fuse for my reverse lights blew. So I'm a little upset and pissed off by the time I get home and as I go to slam the car door, it comes flying back at me--it picks THEN to break, too. SLAM, SLAM, SLAM, SLAM, SLAM!!! It still won't close. Awesome. But I can't bring myself to kick my car. The truth is, I still love my car and I don't want to damage the almost perfect exterior.. so after several more loud profanities, I go get the mail and kick the mailbox. You see, my dad is the original Tim Taylor--the world could fall to pieces and that thing would still be standing. Which is probably a good thing, or I'd be looking for it on the next block. Did I mention all of my neighbors were not only home, but outside during all of this?
So I'm stuck driving mom's car. My dad bought it from a friend of his, who bought it for next to nothing from a college student. A college student who either a) needs serious driving lessons, b) needs to learn the definition of "designated driver", or c) used the car for playing bumper cars. There are dents in every single panel in that car--including the roof and hood. And not the typical door ding type dents. They're pretty good size dents! It doesn't help that dad hit it with the snowblower this winter, either. But I get in the car Wednesday to pick mom up and see her sock monkeys on the passenger seat looking like I caught them in an obscene act. Great. I just chucked them in the back seat and pretended I didn't just see what I just saw. It's bad enough driving that car.. with sock monkeys in it, but fornicating sock monkeys? Then realize dad replaced the rearview mirror with the one from his work truck--which he cracked the mirror. (I don't know how--it's a straight crack down one side, which is oddly fitting considering the rest of the car). The radio doesn't work because the antenna broke, so I have to listen to the only CD in the car. Then I notice that no one cleaned the marinara sauce that exploded last month--so it looks like blood stain splatter. And the steering wheel and control console is sticky. (I don't know with what, but I used a LOT of hand sanitizer). And as if I hadn't used the phrase "What the fuck?" enough that morning, by the time I got to the entrance to my community, I began to notice my arse was wet.. someone left the window open, allowing the seat to absorb the 3"+ of rain we had gotten the previous 48 hours.
So on the 4th, my dad fixed my car door (turns out the interior handle stuck--some mechanic I am), and went to see if he couldn't find some physical evidence of the problem for my car. Ironically, we were supposed to throw a BBQ this weekend, but had to postpone it because of my dad's work schedule. Turns out, my car decided to throw her own little BBQ. The entire wiring harness for the transmission shorted and melted. It's a good thing it was raining, or there's a good thing my car would've gone up in flames.
what would you like to know?
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